I was looking back on old posts, like people do for a diary. Looking at all my flaws and ways I could have phrased things … And I noticed the date. May 30th. I am only beginning to realize how short of time that is. It seems like forever; so much has happened. I have lost friends, found truths and formed bonds.

I was thinking back to the time I told Lumdy to read my blog … She agreed with enthusiasm. The next day her and I were talking and she said how the words were so big that she needed a dictionary. Obvs she was joking, but I miss those times. It’s no one’s fault that their over. If that’s what needed to happen, then I wouldn’t have it any other way. I suppose I could say ‘fate’ but really it’s the path I chose. The friends, people, I chose. I wanted. I don’t blame her for anything, of course not. She is nice, and is fun to be around. I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t like Lumdy.

I was also, changing the subject so I won’t cry, thinking about how easy those times were. I didn’t have to deal with all this shit. On my way home,from the Jonas Brothers concert, my father was in the front seat … doing something … I can’t say. I’m sure my buds could guess. It was hard for me to take that in. That he was so oblivious to my presence. That he would do that driving us home. (Us meaning me and my sister, Tanis.) Like he didn’t care … But what could I have done?? If you were put in a situation like that, what would you do? What could you do? I was annoyed. Like ‘Really father? Do you have to do that right now?’ Touchy subject.

And I was thinking about the amazing friends I’ve made in this short amount of time. All of the things I’ve done. My buds are awesome. Me, Blondie, nibojener, Lella … I don’t know if TB makes that category anymore. I guess she fits in with the lost category. Things between her and I have not been going too well … Then there are bonds that are stronger. Between me and my sister. I think because I’ve grown up, or because I am not an ass anymore. Haha … Yes I was a bitch to my sister when I was hanging out with Aurora and Addie. Or maybe because we have formed new personalities, in which the old one’s were not compatible with eachother … Interesting theories. We still don’t get along, sometimes, but that’s normal sister’s for ya. 

Then the odd taste of all my memories … Before the lies, the truths, the unraveling …. Like Instant Star, I’m sure all my friends, before all that stuff, remember my obsession clearly. When I hear Alexz Johnson, I think of the old days. They remind me of the- the … innocence. I miss that. Then I remember Halloween. When I would walk, holding my parent’s hands, down the snowy steets of town, not really stopping at alot of houses, but looking at the beauty of the lights against the snow. I miss when my mom would expect no bad from me, and wanted me to do well, expecting me to just be a cute child.

I want so bad for nothing to have changed … But we all have to come back down to reality. Tata. ❤


2 Responses to “LOOKING BACK”

  1. 1 bigcitysoundgirl
    July 9, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Yeah looking back on old entries makes me sort of mad, like I was selfish then to be sad. Like, school isn’t over yet in those entries, but I’m going on about it being over soon. Then I had at least one day left. One day means the world when it’s all you got.
    I might say, you said the buds are “me,Blondie, nibojener,lella…” What about Loosy?hehe…anyways…
    What would I do? I wouldn’t do anything. I probably would pretend it’s not what I think it is he’s doing. I’d convince myself otherwise.
    When you think about it, time sucks. No matter how much I want to grow up, I want to be forever young as well. The innocence of childhood just feels good, not stressful. Like you have room to mess up at times, but messing up is falling on a sidewalk. It’s different when you’re older. You have more responsibility, that you might not even be responsible enough to have.

    • 2 similala26
      July 9, 2009 at 8:07 pm

      Haha forgot about her.
      I agree. Innocence is the best thing that has ever happened to me :P. So far.
      And I did do that. But I was a little freaked out.

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Twilight, as you all know, is my favorite thing in the whole wide world. So I decided to put quotes on here. I want to put 3 quotes a day from now on. Here are my favorite quotes:

You know, Jacob, you’re awfully self-righteous — considering that you’re a werewolf and all.
Bella Swan, Eclipse, Chapter 4, p.111

Well… don’t be offended, but you smell like a dog.
Edward Cullen, Eclipse, Chapter 6, p.144

I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often.
Edward Cullen, Eclipse, Chapter 8, p.186

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