I don’t like how I was acting today. I was being mean and juvenile. I was mostly sad. Because I heard, from sources, that Loosy cried over my 
last blog entry. It was not my intentions at all. I was just letting my feelings out, because that’s what I’m supposed to do in a blog. So I felt really bad and sad and basically guilty. I don’t want Loosy to cry. And … I guess I want her to love me and see how much I care about her. Because I care about her soo damn much and it sucks that she’s leaving. But I don’t want to think about that because it makes me cry. And I don’t want her to think I think she’s gonna forget about us when she leaves, but that’s my view on things. But who knows? Maybe we’ve really changed her for life. That would be cool, actually having an impact on someone. Tata. <3
UPDATED: LOOSY DO NOT READ THIS!!! I also wrote this note. I want you all to read it. Because it, kinda, explains how I was feeling at the time. It might sound a little cruel and over exagerated, but I think it’s interesting. :::
It’s obvious I don’t fit in with them anymore. That chapter of my life is closed, came to an end. I just feel like an outsider right now. They were keeping secret’s from me, and right now, in I.A, they are whispering and chatting behind my back, not even trying to include me in the conversation. It sucks big time. I thought these people were the answer to all my problems. But I’ve learned you can’t rely on someone. So I say, what is the point in waiting another 11 months for Loosy to leave? I do love her but she doesn’t trust me enough to deserve that love. If you think back over the last three years together, you wouldn’t believe the bond that formed, how it could be so strong. But maybe it isn’t? I don’t know what I want, or what I want to do. I don’t understand. I’m jealous, mostly. Because Blondie and Loosy are amazing friends, that can call eachother everynight and hang out after school, that they know they’ll always be friends. I’ve enevr had anyone like that. And that makes me sad. Blondie is the one Loosy wants to talk to and share things with, and Blondie feels the same way. If I wasn’t alove it would always be Blondie and Loosy. There wouldn’t be a jealous lump in the middle of it all. I just can’t find a place to be.
So I suck. And I am mean and terrible to my friends. I make them cry and suffer and not trust me. 
*cries* No one deserves a terrible friend like me. Tata. <3
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